At work, we often encounter people who say or do things that make us feel uncomfortable. These actions can be hostile or offensive to some aspect of our identity. These hostile or offensive remarks are called “microaggressions.”
If you’re the target of a microaggression, you might feel angry, upset, or even humiliated. It’s important to remember that these feelings are valid. There is no “right” way to respond to a microaggression, but there are some steps you can take to help you cope with the situation.
Consider the environment and be thoughtful about how to create a safe space for the conversation. Think about whether the conversation is best in the moment (possibly in front of other people) or one-on-one. In some situations, an in-the-moment approach may be sufficient. For example, if someone accidentally misgenders a colleague in a meeting, a leader could say, “Let’s make sure we are using everyone’s correct pronouns,” and keep the meeting going.
If you have a personal relationship with the person who committed the microaggression, you might be able to say, “Hey, you made a comment earlier that did not sit well with me.” However, suppose you do not have a personal relationship with the colleague. In that case, you may want to consider what you know about their personality and history with uncomfortable conversations. If your relationship with the employee isn’t great and they are usually combative, the best thing for you to do is talk to a manager to help fix the situation.
The first step in responding to a microaggression is to decide if you want to say or do anything. There is no obligation to intervene, and sometimes it may be more effective to let the incident go. However, if you choose to respond, there are a few things to remember. First, it’s important to remain calm and collected. Getting angry or emotional will only escalate the situation and make it harder to resolve.
Second, try to avoid making assumptions about the motives of the person who committed the microaggression. It’s possible that they were unaware of the effect of their words or actions, and approaching them from a place of understanding can be more productive than anger.
Finally, be clear and concise in your response. Explain why the microaggression was hurtful or offensive, and avoid getting into a lengthy argument. Following these guidelines can help resolve the situation calmly and effectively.